Massage Tip: Communicate

Massage is a great way to bond with our special someone because it opens the doorway for us to cherish each other, learn new ways to communicate, and celebrate our humanity. Whether you are in a new relationship, or you have been married for fifty years, exploring the adventure of touch revitalizes the life of our lives. Today we are going to explore the nuance of massage and how it can help build trust, acceptance and empathy within your relationship.

The first and most important component of an amazing massage is communication. When I talk to people about relationships they say the most desirable trait they seek in a partner is the ability to effectively communicate.

We live in a world where we are taught to draw inwardly. Every advertisement entices us to entertain our self-indulgent proclivities, and I think this results in a ME-mentality. If we seek to communicate effectively with someone else, especially our significant other we need to slide out of this ME-mentality. This requires a modicum of humility.

Humility is our ability to assess where we exist within the universe. It is the acknowledgement that we are not the center of the universe, and though we may be exceptional at some things, we are not amazing at all things. This also applies in the reverse, just because we are terrible at some things, it doesn’t mean we are terrible at all things. In essence it means we are grounded in our assessments. Humility is important because it reminds us people make mistakes, and it is okay, because we make mistakes too. It is important in communication because it offers us the ability to be patient and kind to others, so may we offer them a pass when their slights are insignificant.

The origin of the word humble is derived from the Latin humus and humilis. While humilis may mean low, lowly, small, slight, poor or insignificant, it also means grounded or from the earth; humus means earth or ground. This is important to note because in the modern world being humble or having humility has gained a bad rap, when in fact it is a desirable trait. Would you rather spend time with someone who thinks they are God’s gift to everyone, or someone who can look at themselves in an honest and realistic way?

Humility is the willful act of lowering our perceived authority and importance by grounding ourselves in a way that is honest and good. It encourages us to pull away from our propensity to exist within a ME-mentality and promotes us to see others how they are, instead of how we perceive them to be.

The importance of this in massage is we should be caring for others how they want to be treated, not how we want to treat them. This is especially true in the application of pressure. Just because you believe firm pressure will help them with their pain, it doesn’t mean it will. Just because you think you are touching someone gently; it doesn’t mean you are.

When we look at the Golden Rule this concept is exceptionally important. “In everything, do onto others what you would have them do onto you.” Whether we are having a conversation with someone or being massaged by them, we want them to have humility throughout the experience. We want them to think about our wants and needs and treat us fairly and with kindness. We want them to be patient with us, to take their time and be invested in every moment.

If someone lacks the ability to self-assess, or even invest a second into lowering the value of their opinion, so they may weigh it against someone else’s, how can we ever find a middle ground with them? How can we find the correct course of action in a relationship or circumstance if they believe they are right? Humility is essential in every relationship, and truly it is one of the most desirable traits.

In massage, this means removing yourself from the equation and putting the person you are caring for first. Take some time to empathize with them, imagine how they feel as you touch them. Talk with them, ask them how it feels, use questions that allow you to gain more information about their experience. Remember, a massage is about them. It is about helping them rediscover the brilliant light of life, so they may close their eyes and float away into a sea of peace.

Empathy is essential in the application of massage. This means we should invest some time in self-massage, explore our own body to gain insight on how our techniques feel, so we may see if they feel good when performing them on someone else. When we are massaging others we need to listen to what they say, pay attention to their body movements and sounds throughout the session. If they tell you something feels really good, take note of it, and do it again. Do your best to memorize what you did so you can do it again later. This is the best way to build your toolbox of techniques.

In a relationship, empathy offers us the opportunity to see the plight of someone else’s life, but to do this we need to slice out our own preconceived notions. When they speak we need to hear them for what they say. This means our heart must be calm, loving and kind as we listen to them. If we walk into a conversation with someone with the assumption that they are wrong, everything they say will be for nothing. A conversation is supposed to be about growth, it is not about winning. Truly, convincing someone of something is exceptionally challenging, instead of wasting our time to win, we should be seeking to plant seeds for the future. To do this we need to listen, hear what they are actually saying, and take the time to reflect on what is being said.

When we approach a massage with humility, and we take the time to empathize with the person we are touching it opens the doorway for us to creatively navigate the massage.

To receive honest feedback from someone, they need to feel safe. In a massage your perceived safety starts long before the massage begins. They need to know you are physically, emotionally and spiritually safe. As their guide it is your responsibility to present yourself in a way that is pure, good, and absent of ulterior motives. This means your demeanor must be kind, gentle, and considerate. You need to take steps that help them know you are massaging them because you want them to be the center of your undivided attention. You must make it clear that the reason you are touching them is for them. They need to know that if they offer criticism, you won’t lash out at them emotionally. This is important because people are afraid of being bitten after they share their feelings and opinions. If the person you are massaging does not feel safe enough to confide in you how something feels, they will never feel safe enough to relax and receive the peace they need.

In relationships safety is essential. If someone doesn’t feel emotionally safe enough to share what they are feeling or thinking, the relationship is in trouble. How can anyone know where they stand if both people refuse to communicate with each other?

Massage can serve as a wonderful way to help couples break through their communication roadblocks. It does this by creating a safe and open space for both partners to talk to each other honestly. It teaches them to love and touch each other in a way that they want to be loved and touched.

If you are searching for a new kind of date night, where you get to discover new ways to communicate and have fun, schedule a Massage Class with me at Jennifer Brand Spa.

Shawn White, LMT