Massage Empathy

Written by Shawn White, LMT

Massage empathy encapsulates seven key traits: empathy, creativity, humility, kindness, patience, perseverance, and order. The premise of massage empathy is that when we incorporate these traits into our daily lives, it increases the likelihood that they will naturally integrate into our massage sessions.

• Empathy: Empathy is our ability to see through another person’s eyes to gain insight into their life. It facilitates communication and problem-solving. As a disciplined approach to analysis, it utilizes our mind, rather than our emotions, to assess the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of others. In the application of massage, empathy offers insight into what your client may be experiencing throughout a session. When applying a technique, imagine how it would feel. In addition to improving the quality of your massage, it will help you remain present and aware.
• Creativity: Creativity is our ability to use our imagination to problem solve and generate or improve ideas. Additionally, imagination helps us cope with stress and trauma, which may help reduce burnout and empathy fatigue (Rubinstein et al., 2023). When used in a massage session, creativity enables us to experiment, discover new techniques, and tailor our approach to meet our clients’ needs.
• Humility: Humility is our ability to accurately assess our place within the universe. It reminds us we are not the best or worst of everything. It makes us relatable, encourages us to acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses of others and ourselves. People who possess humility often attract people because they are heartwarming, fair, and honest. In massage, humility reminds us that we are not the experts of our clients’ experiences. Instead, we are meant to serve as guides to help them feel fantastic.
• Kindness: Kindness is our ability to be honest, benevolent, and compassionate. A kind person is sincere and gentle. They strive to assist others, even in challenging situations. It is more than being nice. Niceness is often a form of placation that is akin to our tendency to acquiesce to escape. Kindness is a genuine desire to help; it is about showing love, mercy, and grace. In massage, kindness helps us give goodness for the sake of goodness. It represents our genuine love for life and people. When we live with a kind heart, it can be felt in our fingers and hands, and it guides people to feel heavenly.
• Patience: Patience is our ability to slow down, listen, and exist in the moment without becoming bored or frustrated. It permits us to hold space, guide others, and grow. A patient person is calming, creates safe spaces, and exudes peace. In massage, patience prevents us from rushing through sessions; it slows down our approach, allowing us to listen to our clients, providing us with enough time to adapt to their needs.
• Perseverance: Perseverance is our ability to remain persistent, even when a challenge is difficult, complex, or is taking a long time to complete. Perseverance allows us to push forward even when we are tired, hurting, or heartbroken. It enables us to set our eyes on a goal, drive forward, and achieve it. People with perseverance are inspiring because they remind us that we, too, can accomplish great things if we put our minds to it. In massage, perseverance helps us avoid burnout, strive to learn new skills, and seek ways to support our clients, even when we feel lost or believe we lack sufficient knowledge or experience.
• Order: Order is our ability to remove entropy and chaos from our lives. It is the conscious act of being ethical, moral, and taking responsibility for our actions. It is creating, maintaining, and enforcing fair and observable personal and professional boundaries. Order allows us to live healthy lives, and inspires others to make good life decisions. People enjoy being in the presence of individuals who live with order because their actions are predictable, they tend to process information thoughtfully, and they acknowledge the importance of their emotions. In massage order helps us organize our massage techniques, start and end our sessions on time, and respect the client’s goals.  

How will practicing massage empathy help me?

Empathy guides us to slow down, see the world through our client’s eyes, and imagine how it feels to live their life. It is not the same as feeling what they feel. Instead, it is a cerebral exploration aimed at gaining insight, offering fairness, and bridging the chasm between our world and theirs. In many respects, empathy requires a modicum of forgiveness. We must possess the ability to acknowledge that people live different lives, see the world through different eyes, and may interpret shared experiences in different ways. If we are angry or believe we have been wronged, it will impair our ability to empathize. This is why being able to forgive is an essential component of empathy. We must process our past so we may remain fair and benevolent in the present.

When we take the time to realign our perception, it increases the likelihood we will meet and exceed their expectations. It reminds us that our preferences are our own and cannot be universally applied to everyone. When we combine our imagination with our ability to empathize, we can creatively adapt to the needs of each session.

With humility, massage empathy helps us recalibrate how we perform a massage from one person to the next, so each session is as unique as the people we see. It reminds us that we need to communicate because we do not have the psychic ability to know what they are experiencing. We are not the experts on their existence; they must be our guide if we want to help them feel delightful.

Kindness encourages us to be an honest, transparent, guiding light. Rather than being nice by telling our clients what they want to hear, we must provide them with information we have researched and validated. Just because an instructor told us something in massage school, it doesn’t mean it is true. Much of what our industry knows is due to the blind leading the blind. A massage therapist who lives with kindness seeks the most accurate truth and shares it with others.

A kind massage therapist knows when it is time to refer out. When a client’s needs are beyond your skill or are not improving under your care, it is your responsibility to offer them the opportunity to see a more experienced professional.

A kind massage therapist respects a client’s pressure needs. They refrain from causing pain when someone indicates a sensation or technique hurts. They show mercy, compassion, and understanding even under challenging situations.

Massage empathy encourages a massage therapist to slow down and have patience. We should attentively listen to what our clients have to say, so we may adapt to their requests and needs.

When we face challenging situations throughout our careers, we must develop the perseverance to overcome them. We must have the grit to move forward even when others choose to quit. Our heart must be full, whole, and vibrant with life if we seek to inspire others with delight.

Our spirit must be charged with goodness, benevolence, and goodwill. We must be surrounded by people whom we love and who love us in return. When pushing forward, we need to dream, but we must never sacrifice ourselves to achieve them. If you give everything you are to achieve your dreams, the person who dreamed them up will not be the person who achieves them.

Push your sails forward with the winds of hope, faith, and love. Refrain from allowing the winds of entropy to move your ship on the sea. When we use negativity to chart a course through life, it will only cause misery and strife. Instead, fuel your perseverance with the power of the heavens above, and you will be inspired to achieve your dreams with the peace of a dove.

Massage empathy guides us to live with order. Order is the opposite of chaos. While chaos may trick you into feeling like you are free, it will never fill you with glee. Chaos is an agent of entropy, causing anguish and pain. If we seek to help others escape their agony, we must be a beacon of order and hope. People love to be surrounded by order because it is safe, comfortable, and predictable. These are all essential elements of a massage.

Order helps you organize your techniques; it encourages harmony and balance. It helps manage variety and ensure the session serves a purpose. When we have order in a massage, we can create strategies and plan for how we want the experience to feel. It helps us transition from one technique to another, creates opportunities for experimentation, and enhances the overall quality of a massage.

Empathy

When I explore a concept, I dive to its deepest and most minute depths. My goal is to understand an idea to such a degree that I can effectively demonstrate to others how to apply it to their own lives.

Practicing massage empathy requires the exploration and integration of seven key traits: empathy, creativity, humility, kindness, patience, perseverance, and order. When these qualities are a part of your daily life, it increases the likelihood that they will naturally be present within your massage sessions. Let’s start with the first deep dive: empathy.

To practice the discipline of empathy and effectively empathize with others in your daily life, you must have the humility to assess your ability to understand others accurately.

To achieve this, you must,

• Know that you exist and are a living, breathing person with thoughts and feelings.
• Know that other people exist and are living, breathing individuals with thoughts and feelings.
• Know you are not the main character in the story of life.
• Remain aware of your tendency toward credulity.
• Actively refrain from supplanting your worldview onto others.
• See people for who they truly are, rather than how you want them to be.
• Live with forgiveness by having the hope and faith that they will learn from their mistakes.

People Have Feelings Too

We often believe we are the main character in the story of life. It is easy to think because the only perspective we have is our own. How could we not be the main character? When you take the time to realize other people exist, have feelings, and are just trying to make do, just like you, it becomes easier to empathize and forgive.

Credulity

Developing our ability to empathize may cause credulity. Credulity is a form of naivety in which we see more good in people than exists. It can be a dangerous trait to possess, as it may lead us to invite people into our lives who endanger our physical and emotional well-being. Remaining aware of our credulity is essential because we all have it to some degree.

To manage credulity, we must be honest with ourselves when empathizing with others. If you see good in someone, ask yourself: How much of your personality, character, and core values are you projecting onto them? Are you supplanting their worldview with your own? Are you disregarding observations about their personality and actions because they seem unbelievable?

One of the most significant mistakes people make when empathizing is assuming they are just like you, but in different shoes. Yes, one of the most common ways to empathize is by “walking a mile in their shoes.” The saying in of itself is not a discipline, but rather an easy way to introduce people to the concept of empathy.

Empathy Is More Than Wearing Different Shoes

People are more than just you in different shoes. Their life, no matter how similar to your own, is significantly different. Having different lives doesn’t mean you can’t understand their plight, quite the opposite. We don’t have to experience something to have an opinion on it. We can reflect on our experiences to assess new information and form opinions. I don’t like riding rollercoasters; from that, I can extrapolate that I wouldn’t enjoy jumping out of a plane. You don’t have to be diagnosed with cancer to know you don’t want to get cancer.

When you try to see someone for who they are, it helps you protect yourself. It also enables you to have meaningful, fair, and enriching relationships. The discipline of empathy offers you the opportunity to see with honest eyes. With this clear sight, you can accept people for who they are rather than who you want them to be.

Seeing people for who you want them to be is easily influenced by bias. Our bias can be negative or positive. For example, people with strong political or ideological stances tend to lump individuals with opposing beliefs together, believing they all have the same opinion. When interacting with people you perceive as your opposites or enemies, your negative bias may cause you to supplant their worldview with the thoughts and beliefs you think their group holds.

Benefits of Massage Empathy

What are some of the ways massage empathy influences a massage session?

It Can Help Improve Draping

Massage empathy is essential when draping. Evaluate the emotional nuance of what someone may experience when being draped. How would a loose drape feel? In what ways could it be uncomfortable? What are some thoughts someone might experience? Do you think they could feel exposed, cold, or awkward? Could the speed used when draping have an emotional impact? These are all important questions because they help evaluate how you are enriching their experience and identify areas for improvement.

In a professional session, a therapist must drape their client. In a private setting with your spouse, you don’t have to, but you should. Massage is a magnificent way to connect and reconnect with your special someone. It is an opportunity to make them the center of your undivided attention. In relationships, people need to know their partner adores them for more than what they can offer or how they appear. Draping your partner in a massage sets clear intentions. It tells them you are massaging them because you want them to feel wonderful. By creating boundaries and borders, you inform them that your heart is pure and good, free from ulterior motives or a desire for reciprocity.

It Can Help Improve Variety

Massage empathy is critical when adding variety to a session. It helps us evaluate whether the techniques used to season the massage feel orderly or chaotic. Order leads to peace; chaos results in pain. When variety feels like chaos, the session feels random, like it has no rhyme or reason. We must actively imagine how our approach feels throughout a massage. This will help us determine whether the variety we are introducing improves or reduces the quality of the experience.

It Can Help Improve Balance

Massage empathy helps us determine whether the session was balanced. Balance is achieved when both sides of the body are massaged equally. Balance is important because when one side of the body is massaged more than the other, it may lead to discomfort and dissatisfaction. In some types of treatment, a level of imbalance will always be present. This occurs in sessions that focus solely on a particular area of the body. Except for this one exception, the massage should feel balanced. It takes empathy to imagine how the session feels, so we can ensure the client feels like both sides of their body were massaged appropriately.

It Can Help Improve Harmony

Massage empathy helps us determine whether our techniques are in harmony with each other. Harmony occurs when each technique aligns with the overall narrative of the session. When our techniques are harmonious, they make sense to the client. An example of disharmony is using flowy, nurturing techniques, then abruptly switching to vigorous tapotement. If the goal is to soothe and relax, then relaxation techniques should be used. If the goal is to invigorate and energize, then athletic-like techniques should be utilized. Empathizing with our client’s experience will reveal whether we are using harmonious methods throughout the session.

Articles About Massage Empathy

• Forgiveness: To effectively practice massage empathy, we must possess the ability to offer forgiveness. If our insides are tied into knots, we will never have enough order in our lives to think through our challenges.
• Massage School: My massage school experience was horrible, but I am thankful for it, because every hardship we face is an opportunity to learn how to help others. Most of all, it showed me how to forgive.

Massage Empathy Near Me

If you are searching for a way to learn how to massage in a fun and effective way, schedule a couples massage class at Jennifer Brand Spa.